Why ASMR Actually Sucks

Helloooooo Everybody!

 

Hot take: ASMR sucks.  It’s horrible.  It’s gut-wrenching, disgusting, and borderline intolerable.  It’s totally cringey.

ASMR has been all the rave within the past year or so.  There are whole YouTube channels dedicated to the subject, and plenty of celebrities have tried their hand at it.  So many people find it soothing and therapeutic.  I’m here to tell you ASMR is absolutely none of the above.

 

Let’s get a brief history of ASMR.

The term ASMR was created by Jennifer Alan in 2010.  ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response Group.  Before that, the idea didn’t really have a name.  According to dictionary.com, a user (okaywhatever51838) on steadyhealth.com created a thread titled “Weird Sensation Feels Good.”  Jennifer Alan came across this thread, and gave the sensation its name.  Users in that thread also referred to the sensation as “Attention Induced Head Orgasm,” which I thought was quite hilarious.

What I gathered from my brief research is that ASMR is very much a pop culture fad, and I aggressively hope it ends sooner rather than later.

 

Now that we know the origin of the fad, let’s dive into why the hell ASMR is complete trash.

 

#1 It Hurts my Ears

The whole point of ASMR is to relax and soothe your soul; it does the complete opposite for me.  I can feel my ears straining themselves from listening to whispers through my speakers, and the static from the recorder’s microphone being an incredibly sensitive level sends me spinning.  If I listen for too long, I start to get a headache from all the strain.

 

#2 Calming? More like Stressing

A lot of people like the “satisfying” ASMR videos.  You know, the ones where they cut kinetic sand or brush their hair.  I’ll admit, the cutting kinetic sand takes are not the worst.  I just don’t understand what’s so satisfying about it.  You’re cutting up and destroying a perfect, smooth block of sand.  Even though the whole point of the video is the sound effect of the knife cutting through the sand, I can’t help but watch, or listen, in despair of the horrible massacre that’s happening.

As for hair brushing, WHY do you think I want to listen to you rake the knots out of your bird’s nest?  That sound blasted at me stresses me out.  Plus, I have my own hair and brush I can listen to.  Brushing smooth hair?  Baby, I got that too.

Basically, the “satisfying” end of ASMR? Not very satisfying.  Just stressful.

 

#3 Two Words: Mouth & Eating

Here is where I have my biggest problem with ASMR.  This corner of ASMR is absolutely repulsive.  Anything involving ASMR and the mouth and/or eating is completely unacceptable.  This is the stuff that makes me gag.  Quite frankly, it’s a bizarre fetish.  Listening to someone eating or making noises with their mouth is revolting.  I can’t deal with it.  I can’t stand intently watching and listening to someone I love eat at a regular volume, what makes you think I’m going to enjoy ANYTHING like that from strangers in surround sound?!  It is so so so gross.  I wouldn’t even listen to my fiance James doing it for one million dollars.

 

To sum it up: ASMR sucks.  It’s painful, stressful, and repulsive.  You will never catch me on any ASMR YouTube channels, and you will absolutely NEVER catch me making one myself.

What are your thoughts on ASMR?  Do you agree with me, or do you find it to be the most wonderful content to ever be made?

 

 

Much Love,

MCC

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