High School: Worst Years of my Life

Hello everyone! Welcome!

 

I attended high school in a suburb just south of Indianapolis from 2013-2017 and let me tell you: WORST experience of my life.  It was so awful.  I cringe just thinking about it.  Let me tell you why it was so awful and see if you relate.

My freshman and sophomore year were okay.  I had friends, played volleyball, got my driver’s permit, then my license.  But something happened freshman year. Something I wasn’t expecting.

So about halfway through my freshman year of high school, I started to feel funny, or different.  I was suddenly having strong urges to hurt myself.  My sophomore year, I started to lose all of my friends.  I started to take action on my urges and hurt myself.  By the end of my sophomore year I had no friends.  I had pushed and scared them away, and they weren’t coming back. I was also actively hurting myself on a weekly basis. I was so confused.  What was wrong with me?  Why was I feeling so awful all the time?

Well, come to find out depression is basically a given in my family.  Everyone in my family has had depression at least one point in my life. Fantastic. 

I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with major depression and general anxiety.  I was so relieved that I finally had a firm answer on what was wrong with me, and very excited to finally get some help and start feeling like myself again.

Turns out that change doesn’t happen overnight.  I started on some depression meds, and I have been spending years trying to find the right balance.  Sometimes I’ll start a new med and will feel worse than I did before and let me tell you that is a scary place to be.

Anyway, back to high school. While my psychiatrist and I were figuring out the best concoction for me, I was still feeling pretty awful most of the time.  I was still self-harming and very antisocial.  The damage had been done.  I had no friends.  I didn’t even play volleyball my senior year because of how awful I was always feeling, and I no longer had any friends on the team – but that’s a story for later.

My junior and senior years were spent keeping to myself, trying my best not to cause attention to myself.  I rarely ever talked to anybody, and almost never participated in class.

I was so unbelievably miserable.  I would even leave school in the middle of the day because I just couldn’t take it anymore.  I couldn’t do it.

Around April my senior year I hit a really low spot.  I ended up in what I like to call “the looney bin.”  I was in a mental health “hospital” for about four days.  To be honest I’m not sure what was worse: four years of high school or four days in the looney bin.  I’ll tell you the story about the looney bin another time.

Fast forward to present day. I couldn’t be happier.  I have a good full-time job with co-workers I adore, live on my own (and can still afford little luxuries), and have an amazing and supportive boyfriend.  I’m not saying I feel 100% normal, but I am so much better than what I was in high school, and even just a few months ago.

Keep moving!  That’s all you can really do.  Just keep going through the motions and take small steps to get better.  The best thing to do is pray.

That’s my story on why high school were the worst years of my life.

 

Much Love,

MCC

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